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Merry Earth Day? Happy Earth Day? Oh wait. I've got it now.

It's your Earth Day! Congratulations on 4.55 billion great years! (And several thousand so-so years, but we won't count those because you were young and volcanic and what happens in Earth School stays in Earth School!)

Earth, you look great! It seems like just yesterday that you were a molten ball of fire spinning violently around the Sun, with absolutely no idea where your equator was. But just look at you now! Sparkling blue oceans, beautiful green forests, and you don't look a year over 4 billion!

We know you've had a few issues in the last year, what with Earthquakes, Volcanoes, Tsunamis, and just yesterday a violent Windstorm on the coast of Ecuador. But all in all, it's been a great run for you, and we wish you many millenniums more!

So good on you Earth! Enjoy your day, you deserve it! By the way, we're really sorry about the last couple of thousand years of civilization. We'll try to do better. Oh, and we're really, really sorry about the Kardashians.

Great products, great prices, and Happy Earth Day.

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