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It's pretty rare to be chosen, and in fact, I was surprised that they came to me. It's probably due to the incredible popularity of my weekly blog, for which I have developed quite a large following. And I suppose it was inevitable that my literary efforts would eventually be recognized. Still, I am humbled and honored to have been chosen.

I want to thank my Mom and Dad. This honor wouldn't mean anything without their love and support. Also, my English teacher, Mr. Hanson. And of course I'd like to thank all of you little people. I assure you, I won't forget you.

I do not take this tremendous responsibility lightly. On the contrary, I have been preparing for this my entire life! I am ready, and more importantly, I deserve it.

In closing, I'd like to thank the Nielsen Family for this opportunity, and the initial $2 advance. I assume that a substantially larger check will be forthcoming?

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to get home to my new career in television. America, and the Nielsen Ratings Group are counting on me, and the Summer Television sweeps are about to begin!

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